There are two things to NOT say when your wife tells you she found a snake in the kitchen:
1) "Oh, it's just a baby snake!" and
2) "Well, we've never had a snake in the house before...." (seriously, because THAT matters NOW?)

    The correct response is:
1) "Oh my gosh! Quick, get the For Sale sign!" or
2) "Honey, this must have been so hard for you.... I think you deserve a new pair of shoes."

    For the record, the snake was fast, it appeared out of nowhere, and I'm not convinced it's mother won't come looking for it.... (if the mother isn't already in here hiding somewhere....). I was proud of myself, however, because once I saw that the "baby" snake (or lengthly-challenged reptile.... gotta be PC even in the animal kingdom) could move pretty speedily across our kitchen floor, in the heat of the moment, I thought to grab our big popcorn bowl and put it on top of him/her/it so the snake couldn't escape into the rest of the house.
    So then, as I sat there staring at the bowl to make sure it didn't move, I realized I had to do something else (anything really). As luck would have it, our friendly neighborhood farmer turned up to make his nightly visit to his tractor sitting in our field. I ran out to grab him (since my husband, who was on the phone, was less than panicky... which annoyed me greatly, as it wasn't HE who was staring at our blue popcorn bowl housing a snake!). Our farmer friend, although slightly more skiddish than I expected, removed the unwanted slitherer and returned my bowl.... which will probably be securely positioned next to my bed in case I awaken to find a snake in my room next. But if I do find a snake again, I'll be sure to call on my farmer!

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